Media Center
Q&A for the media
What makes this book special?
Remarkable insights and effective strategies from a psychiatrist's real life stories of 50
years as a psychiatrist, as well as a parent. Always An Ally not only illustrates what makes
Dr. Schofield and his work truly exceptional, but also inspires us to strive to improve
ourselves as well.
What inspired you to write this book?
I had been quietly documenting Dr. Schofield’s teachings for over 25 years. When he
passed away, my grown children felt that all his teachings went with him and they wondered
how they were going to successfully raise their own families without his help. I knew then
that I just HAD to write the book we began those many years ago. This book is for them, for
Dr. Schofield’s children and grandchildren, and for YOU. It has been an inspiration to
organize and write. In fact, I could write another book about the miracles that took place
over the course of the year that it took me to complete it. The printer called to tell me the
book was ready on December 2nd. That was one year to the day that Dr. Schofield passed
away.
As the author of this book, how have Dr. Schofield’s strategies and principles
personally affected you and your family?
My children were half grown when I sought help with some rather serious family issues.
Through putting into practice the things Dr. Schofield taught me, I was able to help my
children become successful in governing themselves. As a result, the fighting and bickering
stopped and peace reigned in our home as my three children learned to cooperate with
and enjoy each other. It was marvelous to me because I had read many books and tried so
many methods, without much success. It was only when I began putting into practice Dr.
Schofield’s principles and strategies that we began to experience positive and lasting
results.
Will you please give a specific example?
Sure. This story is called, Separation Triumph
By the time I began to learn Dr. Schofield’s marvelous principles, my children had already
developed some bad habits in relation to each other. Ten-year-old Mardel and eight-year-
old Klint were often going at each other “tooth and nail” and I was at my wits end.
“What can I do to stop their constant bickering and fighting?” I asked Dr. Schofield.
“What you need to do,” he answered, “is to completely separate them. Don’t allow
them to play together and don’t even allow them to be in the same room together.”
“How long should I do this?”
“As long as it takes,” he replied. “You should plan on at least three solid days but don’t let
them know how long it will be. Children can easily out-wait their parents if they know when
the end of something will be. Keep them guessing. As far as they are concerned, the
separation will last forever. Remember the Emerson quote,
One of the chief wants in life is somebody who will help us do the best we can.
I knew the supervision would take a lot of effort so it took me a few days to muster up the
will to “go the distance” with the separation strategy. When I was ready to begin, I watched
for the first sign of unpleasantness between Klint and Mardel. It wasn’t long before I had my
chance to tell them,
“I see that you both are unhappy playing together today, so I’ll tell you what we’re going to
do. We’re going to make sure that you don’t have to be around each other. Mardel, you
can play in your room and Klint, you can play in yours.”
“But I want to watch TV,” responded Mardel.
“Okay, since you were the first one to ask, you can watch television in the family room and
Klint can play in his bedroom.”
“I want to watch TV too,” whined Klint.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Klint. As I mentioned, you and Mardel need to be in separate rooms. You
can have a turn when she’s through watching this program.”
It was actually quite comical to see the lengths I went to in making certain the children were
separated at all times. When we went anywhere in the car, I positioned one in the front and
the other in the back. If I saw Mardel enter a room where Klint was, I immediately dropped
what I was doing and made sure she went someplace else.
It took exactly one and a half days before they were begging me to play with one another.
“Please, mom, can we play with each other now? We’ll be nice. We promise.”
“Yes, we promise, mom.”
“Well, we’ll see. I’ll have to think about it a while.”
After another day and a half of separation, they were as good as gold together. I kept a
close watch and if it looked like the slightest unpleasantness was occurring, I separated
them again. Only this time, it was for a shorter period. They knew I meant business and that
I would follow through.
This technique works like a charm and I’ve shared it with many of my friends who have also
reported good results. One caution I always make in telling anyone about this is that they
must not let even one mishap go by without the separation result. The only time this
principle has not worked is when the parents failed to put the “fear of God” into effect. The
consequence must be both swift and sure every time and carried out without any anger
whatsoever.
What are some quick tips you can share?
Near the end of the book is a list of the 50 strategies and principles covered in the book.
As you think about a relationship challenge--either with a child, spouse, friend, etc.-- you’re
experiencing, read through the list. You will remember the stories that illustrated them and
you can begin to immediately put into practice the one that appears to be the most relevant.
As an example, suppose one of your children seems overwhelmed by problems at school
or with friends. You can immediately ask the Magic Question, “What can I do to help?” (For
ideas on a great way to handle this situation, read the story titled Help.)
If your child ignores your requests, put the Act More, Talk Less strategy into practice so
that your child will soon learn that you will not ask him to do anything that you are not willing
to successfully supervise. He will know from experience that you mean what you say—
without being mean, of course.
Here are a couple of examples:
1) While my teenage son, who was bigger than me, was watching TV, he peeled a banana
and dropped the peeling on the carpet next to where he was sitting. I saw the peel and
decided I needed to take some action right then so he would know this was not an
acceptable thing to do and I was not just going to let it pass. Even if he intended to take
care of the peel later, he might have forgotten it and then someone else (probably me)
would have to put it in the garbage.
So, I knelt down directly in front of him, blocking his vision of the TV, and simply smiled.
“What?” he asked. I shifted my eyes to the banana peel on the carpet and then back to
him. I said nothing. A smile crept across his face as I kept my smiling gaze upon him. He
could see that I was not going to move until he took care of the banana peel and presently,
with a chuckle, he picked up the peel, carried it into the kitchen and put it into the garbage.
That’s all that was done. This is what is meant by “silent supervision.”
2) A friend of mine, a young mother, had the habit of asking her two little girls to do things
without following through. She’d expect them to be automatically obedient to her requests
and commands, but they more often than not simply ignored her and she’d get very
frustrated and just give up. The girls were about 2 ½ and 4 years old.
I decided to try an experiment with her girls. I would ask them to do something such as pick
up a toy left lying forgotten on the floor. At the same time as I was asking, I was already on
my way to “help” them pick it up. I did this each and every time I asked something so they
knew there was no percentage in dilly dallying about it. I would be right there to put the toy
or article of clothing in their little hands and “help” them put it where it was supposed to be.
Of course I was judicious about what I asked, but they knew that I meant business and that I
would always follow through. As a result, they responded each time I asked them to do
something.
Their mother, my young friend, asked me, “How do you get them to mind you like that?” I
then had a teaching moment where I could explain what successful supervision really
meant.
What makes this book special?
Remarkable insights and effective strategies from a psychiatrist's real life stories of 50
years as a psychiatrist, as well as a parent. Always An Ally not only illustrates what makes
Dr. Schofield and his work truly exceptional, but also inspires us to strive to improve
ourselves as well.
What inspired you to write this book?
I had been quietly documenting Dr. Schofield’s teachings for over 25 years. When he
passed away, my grown children felt that all his teachings went with him and they wondered
how they were going to successfully raise their own families without his help. I knew then
that I just HAD to write the book we began those many years ago. This book is for them, for
Dr. Schofield’s children and grandchildren, and for YOU. It has been an inspiration to
organize and write. In fact, I could write another book about the miracles that took place
over the course of the year that it took me to complete it. The printer called to tell me the
book was ready on December 2nd. That was one year to the day that Dr. Schofield passed
away.
As the author of this book, how have Dr. Schofield’s strategies and principles
personally affected you and your family?
My children were half grown when I sought help with some rather serious family issues.
Through putting into practice the things Dr. Schofield taught me, I was able to help my
children become successful in governing themselves. As a result, the fighting and bickering
stopped and peace reigned in our home as my three children learned to cooperate with
and enjoy each other. It was marvelous to me because I had read many books and tried so
many methods, without much success. It was only when I began putting into practice Dr.
Schofield’s principles and strategies that we began to experience positive and lasting
results.
Will you please give a specific example?
Sure. This story is called, Separation Triumph
By the time I began to learn Dr. Schofield’s marvelous principles, my children had already
developed some bad habits in relation to each other. Ten-year-old Mardel and eight-year-
old Klint were often going at each other “tooth and nail” and I was at my wits end.
“What can I do to stop their constant bickering and fighting?” I asked Dr. Schofield.
“What you need to do,” he answered, “is to completely separate them. Don’t allow
them to play together and don’t even allow them to be in the same room together.”
“How long should I do this?”
“As long as it takes,” he replied. “You should plan on at least three solid days but don’t let
them know how long it will be. Children can easily out-wait their parents if they know when
the end of something will be. Keep them guessing. As far as they are concerned, the
separation will last forever. Remember the Emerson quote,
One of the chief wants in life is somebody who will help us do the best we can.
I knew the supervision would take a lot of effort so it took me a few days to muster up the
will to “go the distance” with the separation strategy. When I was ready to begin, I watched
for the first sign of unpleasantness between Klint and Mardel. It wasn’t long before I had my
chance to tell them,
“I see that you both are unhappy playing together today, so I’ll tell you what we’re going to
do. We’re going to make sure that you don’t have to be around each other. Mardel, you
can play in your room and Klint, you can play in yours.”
“But I want to watch TV,” responded Mardel.
“Okay, since you were the first one to ask, you can watch television in the family room and
Klint can play in his bedroom.”
“I want to watch TV too,” whined Klint.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Klint. As I mentioned, you and Mardel need to be in separate rooms. You
can have a turn when she’s through watching this program.”
It was actually quite comical to see the lengths I went to in making certain the children were
separated at all times. When we went anywhere in the car, I positioned one in the front and
the other in the back. If I saw Mardel enter a room where Klint was, I immediately dropped
what I was doing and made sure she went someplace else.
It took exactly one and a half days before they were begging me to play with one another.
“Please, mom, can we play with each other now? We’ll be nice. We promise.”
“Yes, we promise, mom.”
“Well, we’ll see. I’ll have to think about it a while.”
After another day and a half of separation, they were as good as gold together. I kept a
close watch and if it looked like the slightest unpleasantness was occurring, I separated
them again. Only this time, it was for a shorter period. They knew I meant business and that
I would follow through.
This technique works like a charm and I’ve shared it with many of my friends who have also
reported good results. One caution I always make in telling anyone about this is that they
must not let even one mishap go by without the separation result. The only time this
principle has not worked is when the parents failed to put the “fear of God” into effect. The
consequence must be both swift and sure every time and carried out without any anger
whatsoever.
What are some quick tips you can share?
Near the end of the book is a list of the 50 strategies and principles covered in the book.
As you think about a relationship challenge--either with a child, spouse, friend, etc.-- you’re
experiencing, read through the list. You will remember the stories that illustrated them and
you can begin to immediately put into practice the one that appears to be the most relevant.
As an example, suppose one of your children seems overwhelmed by problems at school
or with friends. You can immediately ask the Magic Question, “What can I do to help?” (For
ideas on a great way to handle this situation, read the story titled Help.)
If your child ignores your requests, put the Act More, Talk Less strategy into practice so
that your child will soon learn that you will not ask him to do anything that you are not willing
to successfully supervise. He will know from experience that you mean what you say—
without being mean, of course.
Here are a couple of examples:
1) While my teenage son, who was bigger than me, was watching TV, he peeled a banana
and dropped the peeling on the carpet next to where he was sitting. I saw the peel and
decided I needed to take some action right then so he would know this was not an
acceptable thing to do and I was not just going to let it pass. Even if he intended to take
care of the peel later, he might have forgotten it and then someone else (probably me)
would have to put it in the garbage.
So, I knelt down directly in front of him, blocking his vision of the TV, and simply smiled.
“What?” he asked. I shifted my eyes to the banana peel on the carpet and then back to
him. I said nothing. A smile crept across his face as I kept my smiling gaze upon him. He
could see that I was not going to move until he took care of the banana peel and presently,
with a chuckle, he picked up the peel, carried it into the kitchen and put it into the garbage.
That’s all that was done. This is what is meant by “silent supervision.”
2) A friend of mine, a young mother, had the habit of asking her two little girls to do things
without following through. She’d expect them to be automatically obedient to her requests
and commands, but they more often than not simply ignored her and she’d get very
frustrated and just give up. The girls were about 2 ½ and 4 years old.
I decided to try an experiment with her girls. I would ask them to do something such as pick
up a toy left lying forgotten on the floor. At the same time as I was asking, I was already on
my way to “help” them pick it up. I did this each and every time I asked something so they
knew there was no percentage in dilly dallying about it. I would be right there to put the toy
or article of clothing in their little hands and “help” them put it where it was supposed to be.
Of course I was judicious about what I asked, but they knew that I meant business and that I
would always follow through. As a result, they responded each time I asked them to do
something.
Their mother, my young friend, asked me, “How do you get them to mind you like that?” I
then had a teaching moment where I could explain what successful supervision really
meant.
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Muriel presenting Dr. Richard
Brouse, a Biochemist,
Chiropractic Physician, Board
Certified Clinical Nutritionist
and good friend of Dr.
Schofield, with a copy of
Always An Ally;Never an
Adversary
Dr. Brouse's comment:
"Oh, this is PRECIOUS!"
Brouse, a Biochemist,
Chiropractic Physician, Board
Certified Clinical Nutritionist
and good friend of Dr.
Schofield, with a copy of
Always An Ally;Never an
Adversary
Dr. Brouse's comment:
"Oh, this is PRECIOUS!"